On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
