Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
