i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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