I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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