Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
