he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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