He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
