Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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