Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
