i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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