I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
