Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
