So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
