oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize
