When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
