I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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