I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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