he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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