I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
