I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
