there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We left the knife in your bed.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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