i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
This is my life. Enjoy the view
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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