I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
