You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
