Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
