Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
