Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
