I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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