i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
