Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
