I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
