WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
