Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
