you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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