i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
