apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
