omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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