nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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