Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
