It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
