Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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