I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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