i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
