did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
accomplished twins. life is a go
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
