Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
