come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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