After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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