4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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