Your face is a jimmy john
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
