Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
