Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
my sisters under your porch take her home
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
