I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
