dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
