Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
