Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Is it because I queefed?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
